NIMYO AND BOZO OF THE DAY

Hello Speakies,

FLASH - LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL - A grand-mom and her grandson found a loaded gun on her seat while enjoying the Dinosaur ride at Animal Kingdom.  Granny gave the gun to a park attendant, who contacted a supervisor and the local authorities.

The owner of the gun, lets get a false name to protect the guilty, how about Carlo Angelo Cannoli Gravy.  He told authorities he discovered his gun was missing after leaving the ride.  This guy had a concealed weapons permit that's great.  Disney World visitors are not allowed to bring guns on property.  Who do we put the blame on here, Disney Security?  Disney for not screening this guy upon entering the park as they check pocket books and lunch bags for everything.  Along with this Nimyo for bringing in a gun to the park dumb ass.   I know it is Animal Kingdom, but please don't shoot the animals or scare the little ones along with the families enjoying the park.

ORGANIZED RELIGION

HELLO SPEAKIES:

Just read a story on the net.  A girl in Utah is kicked out of school for her new hair color.  I should have figured ii was those Mormons who believed in multiple wives at one time and now they pick on a teen changing her hair color.

Get rid of organized religion and in a few generations, no more problems.  I was raised a Catholic, but come on with all the scandal it is time for a change.  The Pope is stepping down, let's face it get new younger ideas and maybe we can have a religion that will survive.  Remember all those ancient times when aliens helped the Egyptians build their pyramids, along with other civilizations.  God is an Alien and I believe in him and pray every night.  To pay money to organized religion is a sin on my part.

I don't care what you think and if you do, send some comments.

MAKING A QUICK AFTERNOON STOP-BY

Hi Guys and Dolls:

Just stopping by to say I may not be posting tomorrow, due to a few doctor appointments and after that this kid is in no mood to write only to nap. JoeyZ is feeling a little under the weather today, I hate post nasal drip and allergies but what can one do.

Just heard two new stories on the news down here involving one local dummy and one out of state zippo. The first one is this 60 year old guy who shots his girlfriend in the face at a local WalMart parking lot. He stated she was taking advantage of him but after he blasted her he told police he could not live without her. He drove her to a local hospital where upon he was arrested. I wish I could post the picture of this guy, ever seen those WalMart shoppers going around I mean the funny dressed ones, this guy is close.

The next story concerns an out of state bozo who is a dentist, he finds a credit card in a parking lot and goes ahead and charges pizza to the owner's card. This guy is worth millions and instead of doing the right thing, he orders pizza. JoeyZ has only one question to throw out "WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE PICTURE HERE?"

I have to rest now will be writing soon, have a nice day tomorrow.

MORE AND MORE PLATES AND I DON'T MEAN CHINA

Top of the Morning to you Guys and Dolls:

Thursday is upon us and we all know what tomorrow brings that great day of work FRIDAY. I was checking something out yesterday driving home all the different specialty license plates they have in Florida. I wear glasses but could not even make out the writing on the plate on the car in front of me it looked like a modern art painting with words and numbers. I did a little research last night and checked out the number of different plates Florida has, there must be an excess of 75 specialty plates you can order. I thought it would be fun to list those available and then add some JoeyZ would like to see made available to the residents of the Sunshine State. Here are some current winners:

PROTECT FLORIDA WHALES

SAVE WILD FLORIDA – WHO THE ANIMALS, THE ENVIRONMENT OR THE CRAZIES THAT LIVE HERE

TREES ARE COOL – I LIKE TREES, THEY ARE OUR FRIENDS

IN GOD WE TRUST – THAT ONE SHOULD STAY ON MONEY ONLY

NASCAR – THAT’S FOR THE CRAZIES THAT HAVE LICENSES IN THIS STATE

SUPPORT HOMEOWNERSHIP FOR ALL – WE HAVE ENOUGH FORECLOSURES HERE WHY NOT

SHARE THE ROAD – THAT’S A GOOD ONE FOR SOME OF THOSE IDIOT DRIVERS

VISIT OUR LIGHTS – WHERE ARE THEY; WHAT ARE THEY

SUPPORT SOCCER – THAT’S A BIG SPORT DOWN HERE AS BIG AS LACROSS

THERE ARE ALSO PLATES FOR EVERY PRO SPORTS TEAM IN THE STATE AND EVERY UNIVERSITY AS WELL. NOW LET ME GIVE YOU MY REQUESTS FOR NEW PLATES THAT MUST BE MADE.

SAVE THE FIRE ANT

DON’T RUN OVER THE ARMADILLOS

REDNECKS ARE HUMAN TOO

SAVE THE SAND CRANES FROM CARELESS DRIVERS

SUPPORT EDUCATION WE NEED HELP HERE

PROTECT THE GECKO

WE NEED A GOOD TOMATO PIE

There is a few to get started now if they only made the prisoners make them we could keep those guys and dolls busy longer and not let them out. Have a great day Speakies.

ELMO, ELMO HE'S OUR MAN

Hello Guys and Dolls:

JoeyZ here with a news story that will make you chuckle, it did me. On Saturday a local music store had a man dressed as Elmo for promotional purposes. Another man entered the store and thought Elmo was a threat and a struggle ensued. The assailant suffered broken fingers as a result of fighting with the Red Man and was arrested, police stated he probably was suffering from emotional distress. I can agree with that, who wants to be known for getting their ass kicked by ELMO.

Only in the Sunshine State, the crazies are back.

QUACK, QUACK THE DUCKS ARE GETTING WHACKED

Happy Thursday Guys and Dolls:

Thought I would bring you a news story headline today from Central Florida that just cracked me up this morning. “The City of Ocala Puts Out Contract On Ducks.” Who is going to make the hit, Bobby the Beak, Tony Two-Feathers, Nicky Talons or Chester the Nester? Actually the city is getting rid of Muscovy Ducks that live around the ponds at the city parks. The duck poop is causing a mess at the parks and the city wants to protect the health and welfare of its citizens. I posted a picture of the man who should get the job done.

P.S. Some local farmer has agreed to take the ducks. What a guy!!!!!

Today we also celebrate one major holiday, “National Cellophane Tape Day.” That handy dandy item was given a patent this very day of May 27.

Some Birthday people to honor today are:

1837 – “Wild Bill” Hickok (James Butler) Cowboy and Scout.
1911 – Vincent Price – Actor – House on Haunted Hill, The House of Usher, The Fly and the voice of Michael Jackson’s “The Thriller.”
1915 – Herman Wouk – Novelist – Caine Mutiny and the Winds of War.
1923 – Henry Kissinger – US Secretary of State.
1935 – Ramsey Lewis – Pop Jazz artist, “Hang on Sloopy.”
1943 – Bruce Weitz – Actor – Hill Street Blues.

Died Today:

1949 – Robert L. Ripley – Cartoonist “Ripley’s Believe It or Not.”
1969 – Jeffrey Hunter – Actor – Greatest Story Ever Told, The Searchers, he also played Captain Christopher Pike in the original “Star Trek” series.
And finally in 1992 – Tony “Big Tuna” Accardo – Mobster involved in the St. Valentine’s Day job in Chicago.

I leave you hoping you all have a great day and now a little Chinese Aphorism “Useless talk like boat without oar – get no place.”

THE CRAZIES ARE HERE IN GLORY

Hello Speakies:

A noon report from Central Florida where the crazies are acting up. Yesterday three crazies made headlines here.

1. In Winter Garden, Florida an attempted home invader mumbled something about Jesus Christ as he tried to enter the home of a female victim with a kitchen knife but was shut out by the woman. She should have had a shotgun and this bozo would have met Christ in person.

2. Sharpes, Florida a 16 year-old was arrested and accused of wanting to blow up his school. They found bomb making instructions, wire cutters and unspecified ingredients for bombs. The kid will be suspended and is currently being held in juvenile detention. This kid is headed for bigger things in his future. Grind his fingers to the nub. I show no mercy.

3. Polk County Florida, an inmate under detention at a local hospital attacked his guard and made a run for it. In the process he lost his clothes and escaped stark naked. He made it a few hundred yards and was captured. "Naked man never get far."

4. Today out of Orlando, Florida a middle school was put on lockdown, seem that happens everyday down in "O" Town. One student threatened to kill another, middle school yet what the hell is wrong with this scene. Put this kid away in some psycho ward for awhile.

There you have it the Crazies for Today.

TIE ME WALLABY DOWN MATE

Speakies:

I bring you a breaking news story out of Windermere, Florida. A bit of Australia has made a visit to this exclusive section of Central Florida. A runaway wallaby is on the loose. The animal stands about 2 ½ feet tall and has been spotted at the Bay Hill Golf Club and a near-by elementary school.

The high society of this neighborhood was hoping it would be a mink on the loose instead.
Sorry ladies and gents you’ll have to drink Fosters Beer and not Champagne.

LIONS AND TIGERS, OH MY

Good Morning Speakies:

A Happy Thursday to you all. First of all we have a news story out of Scottsmoor, Florida. A local community is getting ready for a big cat fight. Some of the residents are upset that a man will be moving into his new house along with his variety of 50 lions and tigers. He was booted out of his original residence because of a potential danger to the residents of that community. Eighty cages are being built to house these tame pets. The people in the neighborhood will have a chance to argue the move at the next commission meeting. Oh I see a CAT-ASTROPHE that may happen.

Today is also the celebration of the following holidays:

National Day of Celebration of Greek and American Democracy – Go hit your local Greek restaurant and have some Gyro, Mousaka, Pastitisio, Dolmades and a little Tzatziki sauce.

Letting Go of Stuff Day – You can have fun with this day.

Old New Year’s Day – Sorry I only do the one that falls on January 1.

Pecan Day – A big Southern holiday, you all know, Pecan Pie, Pecan Cookies, Pecan and Beans, the list could go on. Enjoy the nuts.

Have a great day Guys and Dolls and as you are reading this my mouth will be wide open ready for my six-month check-up at the dentist. Peace!

IT'S THE PRINCE AND YESTERDAY' RIDDLE ANSWER

Hello Speakies:

News Flash from Volusia County, Florida came across JoeyZ’s attention last night on the local news. A man who calls himself “Prince Mongo”, obliviously not his real name painted a witch on his $300,000 home and hung women’s underwear all over his yard. It was a sight to see all the colors, pink, yellow, white and the various styles, bloomers, briefs and bikinis’ just blowing in the wind. His fight is over an outside deck he built without a permit and was forced to remove it. He says people on Earth don’t understand him, but only want to rule and govern him. I think it’s time for JoeyZ to call Flash Gordon and take Mongo back to the planet of “The Birdmen.”

The answer to yesterday’s riddle is “ONCE UPON A TIME.”

I'LL TAKE A HOTDOG WITH MINE THANK YOU

CRUNCH CRUNCH SPEAKIES:

For us Floridians this week is Bike Week in Daytona Beach, Florida. What would Bike Week be with out the annual Coleslaw Wrestling Event in Samsula? Scantly clad ladies braving the cold, wind and rain to battle on a tarp covered with mounds of slaw. To those brave young mayo covered ladies, I say good luck, no sleeper holds allowed and stay warm. Have a bowl of chili after your match.

WHERE'S BARNEY WHEN WE REALLY NEED HIM

Breaking News Speakies:

Out of our great state capital of Tallahassee, Florida comes this story. Lawmakers started on Tuesday to decide on one major issue, that impacts everyone behind the wheel of an auto or truck. Drivers in Florida at the present time can text and talk on the phone, but new information released indicates that 28 percent of all traffic accidents are caused by texting and yakking on the phone. My own eyes have seen these road texters pretending to drive with their eyes on the road but they are moving their fingers in a fast and furious pace over that cell phone putting us all in danger.

Lawmakers in Tallahassee do your thing, make it illegal to text while driving, we have enough people who can’t drive correctly and don’t text. Just think of all the lives that can be saved not only humans, but chickens crossing the roads, dogs and cats too and let us not forget those raccoons and armadillos.

SOMETHING SMELLS FISHY

SPEAKIES: NEWS FLASH FROM FLORIDA.

A group of Fish and Wildlife Commission officers were arrested on charges of stealing over $300,000 from the state. This money was being used to purchase a home and furniture in Sin City, that's Las Vegas Baby. More arrests are to follow. Another smelly situation at the Florida government level.

How could they do this take away money from the little fishes and blow it in Vegas? I'm glad they were caught hook, line and sinker.

Happy Hump Day Speakies:

Half-way through the work week and a lovely day here in Central Florida. The weather forecast for those planning to visit are highs near 70 today, lows in the upper 40’s for tonight. For the rest of the week highs will be in the mid 70’s and lows in the 50’s with a good amount of sunshine.

I want to welcome a new Speakie from the Russian Federation, WELCOME COMRADE SPEAKIE. Thanks for the visit to JoeyZ’s Blog. I loved Rocky and Bullwinkle on television when I was younger. My favorite characters were Boris and Natasha. Let’s not forget “Mr. Big.”

Today we celebrate the following:
Punch The Clock Day – Especially the Alarm Clock in the Morning.
National Toilet Day or Thomas Crapper Day – Great Invention, beats sitting on a log and using leaves.
Mad Tea Party Day – Go ahead dress up and play Alice in Wonderland again.

Here’s a news story out of West Summerland Key, Florida for you Speakies.
Two 17-year-olds fled from a juvenile program at a Florida Keys campground in a stolen fire truck. 90 miles later they were caught, wearing their underwear only. JoeyZ now pronounces you Chuck and Larry and remember Love is circle never ending not like a square.

Have a great day Guys and Dolls.

NO GOOD HUMOR HERE

Hello Speakies:

A sad story to report out of Sun City, Florida. An ice cream truck driver was shot several times during a robbery. This poor soul just trying to make a living was flagged down by a group of people he thought wanted to purchase ice cream. When he stopped two men and two women wearing masks and armed robbed him and proceeded to shoot him. He was taken to a local hospital for his wounds. These No-Good-Nicks when found should be stripped naked and hung up in a refrigerated truck for days, no jail just turn them into human popsicles (No Flavoring Needed).

To any would be No-Good-Nicks out there, don't even think about robbing the Pizza Delivery Man, a 750 degree coal oven is not too much fun.

Have a great evening Speakies see ya tomorrow.

QUICK OR QUACK DRAW MCGRAW

Hello Speakies:

Quick (or do I mean Quack) Draw McGraw has been spotted in Alva, Florida. A local man was hospitalized after he shot himself in the leg while practicing his quick-draw techniques. He was practicing with a loaded 1871 revolver when he kept his finger on the trigger while drawing the gun. Why do they issue permits to idiots who practice with a loaded weapon? or “My Baby Loves the Western Movies.”

On a lighter note. Today we celebrate:
Hat Day – Make mine a 10 gallon.
Tin Can Day – Quack Draw should have been shooting at these.
New Friends Day- You can really go crazy on Facebook today sign-up everyone’s friends.
Brew A Potion Day – Don’t know too many witches anymore.
And International Sing Out Day- Just roll down car windows and start singing out loud, they’ll pull you over for being a crazy.

HEAT AND BEARS

Hello Speakies:

Heard a couple of news stories this morning and thought I’d pass these along to you readers along with some views from JoeyZ. The first one comes out of Orlando, FL where 13 Orange County schools are reporting heating problems and are being kept warm by using space heaters. A boiler at one of the local schools broke down after being repaired in December (another quality job by the lowest bidder) and could take up to a month to replace. Prior to the beginning of the school year local school boards demanded cuts, cuts and more cuts, instead of waste, waste, waste you should have planned ahead. You can’t cut-off a cow’s tit and than want milk.

The second story is out of Altamonte Springs, FL. where two black bears were spotted looking for snacks at a local apartment complex. There was no report if Yogi and Boo Boo were successful in their search for that picnic basket.

WHERE DOES TIME GO

Hello Speakies:

Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, where does time go? Last week I was wishing you all a Merry Christmas and tomorrow I’ll be wishing you a Happy New Year. If you are planning a party, I hope you have your food and liquor purchased and all the rest of your preparations completed. I hope you and your guests have a ball.

Here’s a good news story for New Year’s Eve from Oldsmar, Florida. A Pinellas County man was arrested after authorities said he called 911 to ask for a ride to a bar. Honest to God truth on this one. Police said he called 911 three times. One call was made when he was leaving the bar telling the operator he had a broken nose, bleeding ears and people shooting at him. He was not behaving well when the police arrived and was subject to a taser gun. He is now being held in jail on bond. I don't think we are in Mayberry anymore Otis.

Well I may be back, or I may not. Have a great rest of the day and evening. Be careful out there.

NEWS AND OPINIONS

Good Afternoon Guys and Dolls:

Here are two interesting news articles I read today. Let’s start off with I’m getting sick of you Tiger. A new study found that shareholders of Nike, Gatorade and other Tiger sponsors lost $5 billion to $12 billion in the wake of his extramarital affairs. Yes! golf fans and sponsors you put the man on a pedestal and he failed, in fact he failed quite a few times. Don’t cry over your losses now but let it be a lesson learned. They are sports figures not gods, treat them as an ordinary man or woman and if they don’t like it, JoeyZ says tuff &*%#@.

Now my other story comes out of that great city of Palm Bay, Florida. A Palm Bay man has been charged with punching a 69-year-old WalMart greeter who asked to see the man’s receipt. Mr. Friendly customer showed his receipt quickly and kept walking, the greeter followed him outside. Much to the surprise of the greeter, Mr. Friendly grabbed his clipboard and than proceeded to punch him in the head. Of course Mr. Customer was arrested and charged with battery. Our greeter said the following great words, “I told the boss, I’m getting to old for this stuff.” My suggestion have all your greeters carry stun guns for fun and protection or maybe just a simple can of wasp spray.

BREAKING NEWS SPEAKIES:

BREAKING NEWS OUT OF GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA. Transportation officials have reassured drivers there has been no sighting of Zombies in the area. Seems hackers posted “ZOMBIE ATTACK! EVACUATE,” on an electronic sign during the morning commute. The message was a hoax by someone who hacked the sign by telephone or on site. Its always about Vampires now, I’m glad my Zombies got a little news credit today.