I'LL TAKE ONE AFTER READING THOSE LAWS

A Good Tuesday Morning Speakies:

Glad to see you all are wide awake and ready to go, so grab that cup of coffee and start to read. There were no significant holidays to get excited about today but a very special potion was developed this date. The “HARVEY WALLBANGER”, was reported to be invented this date in 1952 by a world champion mixologist Duke Antone. Legend has it was named after a Manhattan Beach surfer who was a regular at Duke’s Blackwatch Bar on Sunset Strip. The Wallbanger is a cocktail made with vodka, Galliano and orange juice. There you have a little cocktail history.

I think we all can use a few chuckles today so here are some more of Joey Z’s Dumb State Laws:

Alaska – In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.

Arizona – In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants. – I’m for that.

California – Women may not drive wearing a house coat.

Idaho – You may not fish on a camel’s back. – That idea never crossed my mind.

Indiana – Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.

Kansas – Prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat. – Okay.

Louisiana – It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot the teller with a water pistol.

Minnesota – It is illegal to tease skunks. – I think that’s a pretty safe law.

Ohio – It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. – The only whale you are going to find in Ohio is if it fell off a truck on the interstate.

Texas – It is illegal to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

There you go Guys and Dolls some laws to ponder about. Have a great day.

MANY THANKS AND DUMB LAW TIME

Happy Thursday Speakies:

Had a great evening celebrating my birthday at home with my lovely wife. We enjoyed a pizza from Al’s with a cold beer and just relaxed. That’s the way to celebrate. I also received a call from my lovely granddaughter and my son and his wife wishing me a Happy Birthday. Number one son called me in the morning and I received e-mail wishes from my future daughter-in-law as well. The folks I work with are great, received a nice gift-certificate for dinner at one of our favorite places, balloons and cake. It’s nice to have great friends and family, thank you all.

Today it’s Dumb State Law Day and the winner today is that Cheese State of Wisconsin. Let us proceed to check out their laws that will make a man shiver.

Whenever two trains meet at an intersection, neither shall proceed until the other has. – Okay I’m still shaking my head at that one.

It is illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese. – I guess it is because it’s the Cheese State.

All cheese making requires a license; Limburger cheese requires a master cheese maker’s license – For what to put in the extra stink.

It is a no no to kiss on a train. – Is sex okay?

All yellow butter is banned as people used to smuggle it in from Illinois.

Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in prisons – No butter for the yard birds give them lard.

It is illegal to cut a woman’s hair – What did they do instead?

It is against the law to wave a burning torch in the air – Let a couple of crazies swing torches around and see what happens.

It is illegal to throw rocks at a railroad car – Especially when you can aim for a passenger car with all that glass. Well that’s enough for those dumb laws for now. I leave you with a Polish Proverb – “Women cry before the wedding, the men after.”

Have a great evening Guys and Dolls and be careful.

MONDAY ONCE AGAIN

Good Day Speakies:

Not much to say, it’s Monday once again and let’s hope the day goes by quickly. Hoping you all had a nice weekend and did all the things you wanted to do. All I’m gonna say now is “Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain, and the wavin’ wheat can sure smell sweet. It’s time for dumb state laws and today’s winner is OKLAHOMA, so let’s go:

Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings – Ya gotta watch out for them car rustlers.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property – I can just imagine the dogs heading up the stairs of City Hall.

Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus – a nice garbage bag will do.

It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle – why not I’ve seen idiot’s text.

It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots – I don’t even want to envision that.

It is illegal to wear your boots to bed – remember you are in cowboy town.

No one may spit on a sidewalk – that should be everywhere, disgusting

Whaling is illegal – I don’t think Moby Dick can make it inland that far.

People can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog – do it in front of a Pit Bull see what happens.

Have a great day Guys and Dolls, see you later.

MORE DUMB LAWS, IOWA STYLE

Good Morning Guys and Dolls:

Well Hump Day is upon us and I wish all of you a pleasant day at home or work. No really interesting holidays to mention today, so let’s pick on Dumb Laws, this time in that great corn state of Iowa.

It is a violation of the law to sell drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp. – It’s the great American way to do things.

A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public. – Can he goose her in public?

One-armed piano players must perform for free. – That’s one law you guys in Iowa have to change.

Kisses may last for no longer than five minutes. – They should not even last that long take it elsewhere kiddies.

Ministers must obtain a permit to carry their liquor across state lines. – Can’t let those ministers get everything on the slide.

Now here are some dumb city laws, the names are not mentioned to protect the population from embarrassment:

It is illegal to read palms in the city limits. – Crystal balls are okay.

The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire. – I wouldn’t like to live in Fort Madison, OOPS.

The ICE CREAM man and his truck are banned. – Sorry little tykes in Indianola, OPPS.

Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants. – I have no comment on that one.

Within the city limits of Ottumwa, OOPS, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

Well Speakies there you go with some dumb law knowledge, no offense Iowa, strictly just some fun. Have a great day and be careful out there.

HONORING BEAVERS TODAY

Happy Happy Hump Day Speakies:

Two things today, we will be checking out our holidays a little later down the page, but first it’s “Dumb State Laws.” Today we pick on the great square state of Kansas. Some of these laws are state wide and some city, only the laws will be listed here to protect the residents of certain cities. So here we go:

If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed – sounds like a Yogi quote to me.

It’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits – wear plaid guys.

Servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups – I think that should be a law.

It is illegal to catch bullfrogs in a tomato patch - I did not know frogs liked tomatoes.

It is illegal to hunt whales – the only whales in Kansas would be the ones that fell off on the interstate.

It is illegal to put ice cream on cherry pie – apple pie would really be upset if that wasn’t a law.

Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely – that’s a real winner.

Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats – rabbits are in real danger on that one.

State law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights – I think I’ll start an implant clinic.

State game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks – dogs would be my best bet to use.

Now let’s raise our glasses to the holidays we celebrate today:

ASPCA Day – Great society to protect those pets we love.

International Beaver Day – No comment on that one.

Metric System Day – Give me the regular number stuff, let Europe have the metric.

National Day of Hope – Hope you all get what you want.

No Housework Day – Hear that Roe.

With that, have a great day and be careful out there.

DUMB STATE LAWS AND MORE

Good Morning Guys and Dolls:

Hope you all had a pleasant evening with your loved ones or by yourself. Tourists are down here in Central Florida for the Easter vacation, the roads are becoming crowded and one needs eyes in back of their heads. We have people from all over the world driving down here and some are not too quick on the roadways. Enough of my complaining let’s check out what we can celebrate today.

Doctor’s Day – Life savers of Mankind, it’s your day to shine in the sun.

Grass Is Always Browner On The Other Side Of The Fence Day – It's a day to honor all those who did not quit the “same old job” or did not leave the ”same old relationship” because things seemed to look better somewhere else.

Pencil Day – This is your day pushers enjoy. And for the Pencils my favorite is a Number 2.

It’s time for “Dumb State Laws.” Today I’ll pick on Florida’s northern neighbor state of Georgia. Now some of these laws are state-wide and some just city ordinances. Here Y’All go:

If an organization non registered as “non-profit” fails to register their raffle with the local sheriff, that group risks paying up to $10,000 in fines and five years in jail. – Sounds fishy to me.

All citizens must own a rake.

Adult book stores may not sell alcohol – that could get ugly if they did.

Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo – no comment on that one.

Persons under the age of 16 may not play pinball after 11:00 p.m. - they should be home by 10:00 p.m. anyway.

It is illegal for one to make a disturbing sound at a fair – I guess that would be a fart.

No tattooing on Sunday.

Blow guns are not allowed to be used within the city limits – you may get into a law suit with the Pygmies over this one.

Stink bombs are not allowed in the city limits – ruins all the 4th of July fun.

Picnics are prohibited in graveyards – never thought about planning one there.

No one may tease an idiot – the village could get cruel.

Well Speakies have a great day, be careful out there and enjoy the evening.

IT'S DUMB LAW TIME AGAIN AND SOME ROAD KILL INFO.

Good Morning Speakies:

Hoping you all had a pleasant evening and ready bright eyed and bushy tailed for a new day. Today I’m poking fun at the Dumb Laws in West Virginia, so let’s see what’s on the books.

It is illegal to snooze on a train. – The best place to snooze.

Unmarried couples who live together and “lewdly associate” with one another may face up to a year in prison. – Tough choice to make.

If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined. - JoeyZ would like to fine everyone who wears a baseball cap in a restaurant, hang them on the hook or leave them in the car.

Road kill may be taken home for supper. – The thought just makes one want to barf.

One may not walk a lion, tiger or leopard, even on a leash. I did not know these animals were indigenous to the folks of West Virginia.

Firemen may not whistle or flirt at any woman passing a firehouse.

Back to the subject of road kill, when I worked as a litigation examiner one of our defense lawyers told us a true story about road kill. His son was a student at some southern university, and when they had parties they created a drink called road kill punch. A group of guys would go out with a large wash tub and find road kill. Upon returning the road kill tub would be filled with water and frozen, it would than be placed in another larger tub filled with a concoction of various alcohol beverages. The idea was to drink the punch before the road kill ice melted into the liquor. NO THANKS. Have a great day guys and dolls.

DRAW THAT WATER AND RELAX DOLLS

Good Day Guys and Dolls:

Hope you all are having a great morning so far and I wish the same for you the rest of the day and night. We have one holiday to celebrate today and that is “Read in the Bathtub Day”. So if you are not working or for those lovely Dolls of mine at home, fill up the tub with nice warm water, some bubble bath, soak and read your favorite book.

I thought we should check out some more dumb laws, this time in my home state of Jersey, so here we go:

It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.
You cannot pump your own gas – still in effect today.
It is against the law for a man to knit during fishing season.
You may not slurp your soup.
It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
No street side trees may be planted that “obscure the air.”
Handcuffs may not be sold to minors.
All cats must wear 3 bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
No one may annoy someone of the opposite sex.
It is illegal to offer whiskey or cigarettes to animals at the local zoo.
It is illegal to sell ice cream after 6p.m., unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
You may not throw a bad pickle in the street.
And finally, “It is illegal to get drunk and annoy others in your house.”

Okay Jersey people and those planning to visit, obey those laws. Have a great day Speakies.

IT'S MONDAY AND WE HAVE DUMB LAWS

Hello Speakies:

Here’s hoping you all had a great weekend and enjoyed the Super Bowl and not suffering from any hangovers. Each state has some dumb laws written on the books, so I thought maybe this week or over the next few weeks we can take a look on some of those laws still in existence. Why not start with the state of Florida. Now these are for real and I’m not going to embarrass the cities involved.

It is illegal to molest a Key Deer. – Who would want to?

Persons may not be “inappropriately attired” who work at hot dog stands. – Most of the bikini girls are gone.

It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a clothesline. – What village idiot wrote that one?

The molestation of trash cans is banned. – Didn’t know they had feelings.

Torpedoes may not be set off in the city- I guess submarines aren’t allowed on the road either.

Skateboarding is not allowed at any police station. – OK.

It is illegal to drive over graves in a cemetery. Oh the humanity.

Well Speakies there you go with some strange laws to obey when you visit the Sunshine State. Have no fear other states your dumb laws will be listed on JoeyZ’s site soon. Have a great day and stay clear of the law.